Trying to overcome a minor depressive episode feels a lot like trying to wrestle a queen sized futon mattress down a narrow staircase by myself. I know, logically, if I ask for help the task will be easier, but instead I grab the mattress and pull. Sometimes I get lodged in place, smashed against the … Continue reading Cascading Failure
Fall is My Favorite Problem
It wasn't always this way. There was a time when fall would arrive and my whole body would receive the cool air and the crispy leaves like a love letter from nature. Giddy with anticipation, I would take deep, open mouth breaths to get as much of the gift inside my lungs as possible. Fall … Continue reading Fall is My Favorite Problem
A few years ago I was minding my own business, eating dinner, watching something stupid on TV and suddenly my pulse was racing. Every part of my body felt hot and weird and that awful bitter taste was all the warning I needed to get to the bathroom and fast. Gastroenteritis is swift and menacing. … Continue reading Brain Flu
My Knees Are in the Wrong Place
It started out as a joke, but the more I looked at my naked body in the mirror the more I believed my knees were all wrong. I've got big thighs for my frame, a holdover from playing soccer as a kid, I built up all that muscle and then let it go to pasture … Continue reading My Knees Are in the Wrong Place
Do You Remember?
Yesterday I wrote about a traumatizing moment in my life. A keystone moment, the kind that causes ripples years later, and I found myself unable to pinpoint the decisions which delivered me to that moment. How did it begin? How did I wind up in a situation in which I had no options but to … Continue reading Do You Remember?
This morning I wrote 1400 words about the most traumatic moment of my life. Something that happened 30 years ago. Something that has stayed with me all this time. I wrote it all down and I didn't cry and I don't feel angry and that feels like progress. It feels like vindication.
I moved to Providence 20 years ago and moved away four years later and while I've been back to visit on a few occasions, this time was somehow different. Derek and his buddy were running a race downtown, the start line near the mall where I used to work. I couldn't stop taking photos of … Continue reading Providence
This week has been a rough one for writing. I've started about ten essays only to find when I've reached the 1500 word count mark that what I am looking at is garbage. I went for a run today to clear my head and try and figure out what the issue is and I think … Continue reading Contaminated
I took an oil painting class in college. It was a required course for my BFA in studio arts and I dreaded every moment of it. Mostly because two dimensional art is not my strength, but also because my professor was vague and I needed structure. The first few classes focused on mixing paint on … Continue reading Scumbling
If I start a new habit on a Monday morning it will stick. This is what I tell myself on Sunday night as I imagine how productive I will be if I just get up when the alarm goes off instead of hitting snooze. If I just get up after the third time I've hit … Continue reading What If?