Yesterday, while researching for an essay I'm trying to write, (It. Is. A. Mess. Apologies to Nicole who I've tasked with reading it.) I realized it was the five year anniversary of the day I learned I was cleared to be Derek's liver donor. I am fully aware this is the five year anniversary of … Continue reading The Anxiety Anniversary
Last night I dreamt I worked at a place I stopped going to over a year ago. There was a problem I couldn't fix and a headset with a positionable mic that I could never quite get into a position in front of my mouth. I flipped the headset around and back again, but it … Continue reading Working Overtime
A Little Bit About Pain & Laughter & Smell
They say laughter is the best medicine, but what if it hurts to laugh? What if your whole body feels the blows as your gut wiggles and jiggles with every chuckle? When my abdomen was cut open, through skin and fat and muscle and then stitched back together, I finally realized how much I engage … Continue reading A Little Bit About Pain & Laughter & Smell
My freshman dorm was cinder block tower with narrow metal windows that you could barely crank open. There was a matching building across the street. Someone said they were designed to make sure students wouldn't huck things, or themselves, out the window. Each double room had a little sink and two desks and two beds, … Continue reading Fear
Years ago, when I was dating a man I should not have been dating, for a variety of reasons I would eventually come to understand, his father and stepmother took us out to a fancy dinner in Cambridge, MA. It's a place called Harvest. It's nice but not too nice and it's good food and … Continue reading Rabbit Season
Do You Remember?
Yesterday I wrote about a traumatizing moment in my life. A keystone moment, the kind that causes ripples years later, and I found myself unable to pinpoint the decisions which delivered me to that moment. How did it begin? How did I wind up in a situation in which I had no options but to … Continue reading Do You Remember?
This morning I wrote 1400 words about the most traumatic moment of my life. Something that happened 30 years ago. Something that has stayed with me all this time. I wrote it all down and I didn't cry and I don't feel angry and that feels like progress. It feels like vindication.
I moved to Providence 20 years ago and moved away four years later and while I've been back to visit on a few occasions, this time was somehow different. Derek and his buddy were running a race downtown, the start line near the mall where I used to work. I couldn't stop taking photos of … Continue reading Providence
I’m Not Proud of Myself
I was fourteen at the time. Or was it fifteen? I was somewhere in between fourteen and fifteen because sometimes our age isn’t a direct correlation to the calendar. It’s not important. I was young, an almost or already sophomore in high school when I wrote a letter to the studio that produced the television … Continue reading I’m Not Proud of Myself
I’ll Take the Road Less Traveled, But Only if There’s Good Food
Traveling is a little scary for me. Not in a debilitating sort of way, more in an anticipatory way. Like when you receive a present from a person who doesn’t know you very well. Presents are great, I love them, when you hand me a wrapped package chances are I am doing some pretty impressive … Continue reading I’ll Take the Road Less Traveled, But Only if There’s Good Food